Photo: Emma Bauso
If you’re thinking of splitting from your partner, then the needs and feelings of your children might be foremost in your mind. A divorce can be an emotionally trying and confusing period for children, and if the process is not handled sensitively, the risk of them suffering is very real.
With the help of a few basic tips and guidelines, however, you can protect your children throughout the divorce. Let’s look at a few of the more effective things to do.
Prioritise Open and Honest Communication (Age-Appropriate)
Children will be able to sense when something is going on. This uncertainty can lead them to form their own conclusions, which might be mistaken and even damaging.
While you don’t need to give a blow-by-blow account of every moment of the process, you will need to be consistent and clear about what matters. Reassure them that they are not to blame for what’s happening, and that the divorce won’t mean that their parents will no longer love them in the future.
Maintain Routines and Stability
When life is chaotic, routine can be a powerful source of reassurance and grounding. Make sure that day-to-day life is kept as consistent as possible. Make sure that they eat, sleep, and play at the same times and at the same places. If possible, you’ll want to keep your child’s school in the loop about what’s going on. It might be that they can adjust their approach to make life easier for your child.
Avoid Conflict in Front of the Children
While some divorces are more amicable than others, it’s fair to say that raised voices and bickering are common during a divorce. Make sure that you set aside time to air your feelings, so that they don’t end up spilling out in front of the children.
Open hostility can be a source of great distress, especially for children who don’t fully understand the issues in play.
If you need a structured environment in which to resolve your differences, then you might find that a good family solicitor can guide you through one of many alternative dispute resolution processes.
Create a Co-Parenting Plan
Getting good results for your children, in many cases, means developing a structured plan for their care. This will take the form of a binding document known as a Parenting Plan. It will outline exactly how you intend to raise the child in question, and its contents can be used to resolve disputes later on.
By collaborating on a parenting plan, you’ll send a clear message to your child that you remain committed to the project of their upbringing, even if you’re not romantically involved with one another.
Encourage Emotional Expression
If your child feels comfortable expressing their emotions, and they’re able to do so in a healthy way, then they might be much more likely to cope with the chaos around them. What’s more, you might be advised of problems, so that you can intervene and help with them.
Child-friendly therapy and support groups can offer considerable value. However, even small, regularly taken creative actions, like journaling, drawing, and music, can be a great outlet for raw feelings.
Final Thoughts...
Navigating separation is undeniably one of life's toughest challenges, and doing so with children involved adds layers of complexity and emotion. Remember, the goal isn't to be perfect, but to be present, consistent, and to prioritize your children's well-being above all else. By committing to open communication, maintaining routines, and seeking support when needed, you are laying the groundwork for your children to thrive, even amidst change.
This journey takes immense courage and resilience, but by focusing on their needs, you can truly minimize distress and help them adapt to a new, loving family dynamic. You've got this, and more importantly, your children have you.
